How to tame your monkey mind
“Monkey Mind” is from Buddhist principles and is a term that refers to being unsettled, restless, or confused.
The average human has about 70,000 thoughts per day, which breaks down to about 48 per minute! No wonder “monkey mind” is a phrase. And in the United States alone, the meditation industry is over 1 Billion and growing quickly. There is a need - people are constantly trying to learn the art of taming the mind so that they can reduce their emotional suffering and pain.
It can be overwhelming and difficult to know where to start, though. I see many people that find themselves consuming a lot of information about how to quiet the mind but never actually implementing the tools because there’s too many options and it becomes a cycle of analysis paralysis - hello, monkey mind!
The other reason I see people become discouraged in their quest to tame the mind is their expectation of what it means to them to ‘quiet the mind.’ Many people believe the goal is to not have any thoughts at all and to experience internal silence. Here’s the thing, the mind is not going to stop thinking. So we have to get real about our expectations when we are working on quieting the mind.
Think of the mind like a radio and we are turning down the volume of the thoughts so that they are in the background. We can then bring our awareness forward and be present in the here-and-now.
And this is where I can come in and give you some concrete pointers from a licensed mental health therapist and meditation teacher. Read on to hear my personal recommendations on how to quiet the mind to help you feel more settled, grounding and clear headed.
7 Tips to help quiet the mind
1. Get in touch with your breath
Connecting with your breath automatically brings you into the present moment, which helps to calm the mind. There’s no need to necessarily change or manipulate your breath, so take that pressure off yourself. Instead, by simply observing our breath in it’s natural effortless form, it automatically begins to slow down, which helps soothe the nervous system and calm the mind.
If you want to try a few breathing exercises that are targeted to help calm the mind, try these three exercises:
Belly Breathing. Place your palms on your stomach and breathe into your palms. Feel your palms rise with your inhale as your belly fills up with breath and feel your palms lower when the exhale is released from your body. Breathe a few times like this and if your mind wonders, just simple bring it back to the rise and fall of your palms.
Focused Breathing. Silently to yourself, count with both your inhale and your exhale. You can’t have wondering thoughts when you are focused on counting and breathing. If you can, add 1-2 counts to your exhale so that it becomes longer and slower than your inhale.
Sigh Loudly. Inhale through your nose and open up your mouth allowing your jaw release tension and let out a big sigh. This specific way of breathing helps to tone our vagus nerve, which helps settle the body and calm the mind.
2. Detach from your thoughts by ‘Naming Your Thoughts’
‘Naming it helps tame it.’ By doing this step alone, you are detaching from your thoughts, which helps us see that we are separate from our thoughts. Here are some examples of naming the thought:
“I am noticing that I am having the thought of self-judgement.”
“I am noticing a critical thought.”
“I am noticing that my thoughts are ruminating.”
“I am noticing that my mind is wondering and that I am not present right now.”
After you name the thoughts, try to thank your mind for working for you and doing it’s job. This part might feel counterintuitive, but it does help us detach from our thoughts and experience them with less intensity. Whether you see it or not, in some, albeit sometimes in a twisted way, there is a function to everything, including your thoughts.
So after you name the thought, try to thank it for trying to protect you. Try this and just notice how your mind and body respond.
3. Get into your body
Get out of your head and into your body! Everything you think your body feels and everything your body feels affects the way you think.
When we’re stuck in our heads, sometimes getting out of them is the best thing for us.
Notice where you feel contracted or tense in your body. Take a few full breaths while being aware of this sensation. If you can, spend at least 90 seconds doing this part of the exercise. 90 seconds is roughly how long somatic (body) sensations last with full activation when connected to an emotion.
Then … move your body. Shake it out, go for a walk, dance, stretch, bike, swim, run, sway from side-to-side, stomp your feet, push hard against a wall with open palms, jump up and down, etc. You get the point … do anything that gets you into your body and out of your head.
After you do some movement check back in with your thoughts and notice if the quality of them has shifted at all.
4. Meditate
Meditation is a powerful way to learn to tame and quiet the mind. Remember, it’s not about completely silencing the mind; if you’re going for that you’ll probably end up more frustrated than when you started so make sure you have reasonable expectations for your practice.
Meditation helps us learn to observe our thoughts without reacting to them. It helps us build the muscle of non-attachment and allowing the thoughts to come and go with a sense of ease and flow.
On days where I am really struggling to shift my mindset and quiet the mind, I like to listen to a guided meditation vs. sitting in silence. Being able to focus on a soothing voice that is guiding me becomes an anchor for my wondering mind.
For support with a guided meditation, I invite you to start by exploring my trauma-informed meditation offerings. Each one is specifically designed for different needs. You can also check out my Insight Timer page for free guided meditations.
5. Change your environment
Our environments can affect our mindset. Even changing rooms in your home can help shift your mindset due to the different stimulation in each new space, which helps get us out of our head and into the present moment.
Make sure you take in the new space that you go into; look around and notice different colors, textures, temperature, sounds, smells, touch, etc. Notice what you naturally orient to in the space. Try not to judge, just observe.
If you can, go outside and use your senses to orient yourself to the new environment. Allow yourself to get re-stimulated by the change in scenery. Notice the colors, temperature, sounds, smells, etc. If you can, go for a walk without any distractions like music or a podcast and instead, notice all of the sounds you hear without any strain from the cars, birds, leaves, foot steps, etc.
6. Journal, make a list or draw
Writing it down to help get it out of your head and off your chest, which can be a huge relief! We process from a different part of our brains when we write so this is another good intervention to help detach from your thoughts.
If you are thinking about things and worried you’ll forget them, make a list so that you can reassure yourself that you will not forget. This helps us move our thoughts outside of us so that we can look at them vs. being internally flooded with them.
I like to keep a journal by my bed and in my purse for these exact moments - when my other tools aren’t working to help quiet my mind. When in doubt, write it out. Allow your thoughts to flow freely without filtering them, go through some journal prompts, make a list of things that are on your mind or create a ‘vent page’ if you need to let off some steam.
There’s not one best way to utilize writing as a way to quiet the mind. Instead, write in a way that resonates with you vs. forcing yourself to journal if that doesn’t help. If bullet points or making lists or drawing feels more natural to you, go for it! The point is to get the thoughts out of your mind so that you can physically look at the thoughts with some distance - a way to help externalize and detach.
7. Vagal toning to soothe your nervous system
A healthy mindset begins with a healthy nervous system. The state of our nervous system can affect the quality of our thoughts.
If you find yourself ruminating or over-analyzing, you might be in a freeze response. If you are experiencing racing thoughts or all-or-nothing thinking, you might be in a fight or flight state. We can’t think our way out of a fight, flight or freeze response because that is direct feedback from our nervous system. Instead of trying to change your thoughts, focus on resourcing your body.
Here are a few ways to quickly tone your vagus nerve to move your body out of a fight, flight or freeze response:
Inhale and tilt your head back and look up as if you’re gazing at a tall tree. As you exhale, gently bring your neck, head and gaze back to neutral. Do this a few times.
Move your eyes back and fourth and name a few neutral objects to yourself. After doing this for a few moments, gentle rotate your head in a circle and continue to name neutral objects to yourself.
Inhale and lift your shoulders up towards your ears. As you exhale, release your shoulders away from your ears. Do this a few times until you feel the tension from your shoulders release.
Make fists with your hands and release by opening up your hands/fingers several times and then shake your hands out. Try to keep your hands free from tension afterwards for a few breaths while noticing the difference.
Notice if your tongue is pressed up on the roof of your mouth … if so, try to release it so that it’s resting behind your lower teeth. You can also fake a yawn, which for me always turns into a real yawn, and keep your jaw released with a little space between your upper and lower lips and teeth. Take a full breath after and just observe yourself.
You can learn more tips here to help calm your nervous system to help quiet your mind.
Understanding the relationship between your brain and your mind
I believe that knowledge is power and if we know how our “engine runs” we can stay in the driver’s seat much easier than if we don’t know how our brains and bodies are working for us. So a quick break down for you of the physiological reaction that occurs within us.
So quick psycho-education … the brain is an organ but the mind is not. The brain is the physical place where the mind resides. The brain is an important organ that controls our thoughts, memory, emotions, touch, motor skills, vision, breathing, temperature, hunger, and every process that regulates our body. The mind is the element of us that enables us to be aware of the world and our experiences, to think, and to feel; the faculty of consciousness and thought.
We tend to spend the majority of our time in default mode, which means we are basically just surviving and living in a state of internal self-evaluation, wether we’re aware of this or not. Studies have shown that when we spend too much time in default mode, we are more likely to experience symptoms of depression, anxiety and low motivation.
By using the mindfulness strategies listed above, we can move out of default mode. When we move out of the default mode, we put ourselves back into the driver’s seat of ourselves - where we feel more present, clear minded and curious. This is where we can choose our responses vs. reacting from our emotions. A place where we can be in curiosity, self-awareness and self-compassion.
To learn more mind body tools including how to quickly calm yourself down, subscribe to my email list here.
*Edited on December 31, 2021 by Robyn Gray, LMFT
