How to connect with yourself and why you need to for your health
Our modern world is filled with distractions. The demands of day-to-day life, the pressure of keeping up with the fast pace of society, and the constant bombardment from media keep us in a constant state of stimulation.
This “go go go” mindset can make you lose touch with who yourself. When we’re constantly hustling and comparing ourselves to (unattainable) standards, we deny ourselves and our needs.
But there’s good news--you don’t have to keep feeling this way.
Here, I’m sharing recommendations for how to get in touch with yourself in a world filled with distractions, responsibilities and busy lives.
“External silence can be the doorway to inner silence.” - Ram Dass
7 Strategies for how to connect with yourself
Spend more time outside
Connecting with nature can be a useful first step in connecting with yourself. When we spend time outdoors, we are likely spending less time on screens and are around fewer people than usual.
Removing these distractions can help calm your nervous system and thus clear your head, allowing you the opportunity for inner reflection.
Immersing yourself in nature also provides an opportunity to practice mindfulness. Even though mindfulness is somewhat of a buzzword nowadays, it’s nothing more than just curiously observing your moment-to-moment experience.
Spending time outdoors can engage your five senses in an intentional, meaningful way; it’s soothing to our nervous systems. This can help you feel grounded and more connected to both your internal and external experience. Next time you’re outside, take the time to notice sounds, smells, temperature, etc. and then scan your own body and notice how your body is responding to the environment. There’s not wrong or right things to experience - just observe and be a witness to your experience.
2. Connect with your breath
Tuning into your breath is a simple way to feel more connected with yourself. Oftentimes, we become so wrapped up in our thoughts or external distractions that we completely neglect our breath. As a result, it becomes shallow and restricted--we may even hold our breath without realizing it and ultimately this can affect the quality of our thoughts and how we feel about ourselves and our circumstances.
Breathing Exercises (3-5 breaths):
Take a pause to deepen your breath. Focus on expanding into your belly when you inhale and take slow, full breaths. As you exhale, try to soften your belly.
Place one hand on their belly and one hand on their heart when doing this and just simply breathe into their palms.
Allow yourself to just breathe naturally - let your body breathe for you. Observe where in your body you feel the breath.
Track the beginning of the inhale and the beginning of the exhale.
There’s no right or wrong way to breathe, so just breathe in a way that is comfortable to you with awareness. If the above exercise activates anything in you it’s ok, you don’t have to do it and there is nothing wrong with you. Breathing can be triggering for some people so remember, the most important thing to take away from this is to breathe in a way that is comfortable for you, no expectations.
3. Practice meditation
Like breath work, meditation is another way to ground into the present moment. Practicing meditation consists of tuning into our breath and body, observing our thoughts and emotional reactions rather than getting absorbed by them.
Practicing meditation regularly can help us gain more awareness and control over ourselves and our reactions. This can help us get in touch with ourselves when we’ve been feeling disconnected.
“The thing about meditation is you become more and more you.” – David Lynch
Learn more about my trauma-informed guided meditations here.
4. Reflect on what you need
Sometimes the pressure of work, our social lives, and society in general can cause us to betray ourselves. We become so caught up in what we think we’re supposed to do or what others needs from us that we end up neglecting our own needs and abandoning ourselves.
If you connect with this sentiment, I encourage you to spend some time reflecting on what you need and want in life. Your needs matter and are important to express.
You can think quietly to yourself, journal, or talk to a trusted loved one. Whichever way you choose to process is fine. The point is to take up some space and reflect on your own wants and needs.
During this reflection, consider what your values are, what’s missing in your life, the good things in your life that you want to grow and what you are grateful for.
By connecting to things that are important to you, you’ll learn more about your needs.
5. Move through a yoga flow or engage in mindful movement
Yoga is a great way to connect with your mind, breath, and body. It’s also a way to practice self love since moving your body has both mental and physical benefits. The concept of interoception is incredibly important in the process of connecting with ourselves and can be used in any kind of movement. Interoception is the perception of sensations from inside the body and includes the perception of physical sensations related to internal organ function such as heart beat, respiration, satiety, as well as the autonomic nervous system activity related to emotions
You don’t have to be a master yogi in order to reap the benefits of yoga. Even practicing poses for a few minutes a day can help you get in touch with yourself. And, if you’re not into yoga, that’s ok, too! Try your favorite type of movement or exercise, just bring an awareness to the felt sense including body sensations, heart rate, quality of breath, etc.
6. Spend time away from screens
Our world revolves around technology--that means spending a lot of time in front of screens. Computers, tablets, smartphones, and TVs absorb so much of our attention that it can be challenging to put them away.
However, it is essential to take a break from technology daily. When we spend so much of our lives distracted by screens, we are pulled outward and disconnect from our internal worlds.
If you usually start your day by checking your emails, try delaying that until after your shower and breakfast. If you usually end your day by scrolling through social media, try reading instead and having a boundary around no social media an hour before bed.
7. Carve out time for yourself daily
It can be easy to feel sucked in by our responsibilities. Our partners, family members, friends, and coworkers all rely on us. Yet research shows that when we ignore and suppress our own needs and don’t carve out time to rest, we are more prone to chronic stress and diseases.
While it is important to attend to the other people in our life--after all, humans are social creatures and if you are a parent or caretaker, I get that you have many barriers to being able to engage in this tip. And, we need to try our bests to do this when we have the opportunity to do it - remember, progress over perfection. If not daily, can you do it 2 or 3 times a week for 2-5 minutes at a time? Start small--even five minutes in the morning or before you go to bed can make a difference.
We can’t give to others if we are running on empty ourselves. When we give ourselves space to just be, we are more able to be there for others in a resourced way vs. strained/stressed way (hello saying or doing something your regret!)
Not sure what to do with your time when you’re alone? Take a quiet moment to breath mindfully for a few moments with your eyes closed, listen to a guided meditation, stretch, go for a walk, listen to a few of your favorite songs, read an article, or do anything else that helps you connect.
"The most powerful relationship you will ever have is the relationship with yourself."
—Steve Maraboli
*Edited on October 16, 2021 by Robyn Gray, LMFT
