How to sit with your difficult emotions
“Hold space for your feelings”, “sit with it” or “you have to feel it to heal it” are common phrases in the psychology world, especially more recently with the rise of the mental health crisis due to the pandemic. Thankfully, the psychology world is emphasizing the importance of the mind and body experience when processing and integrating our feelings; however, implementing this practice is not always as simple (or easy) as it sounds. But it is possible.
So how do we make sure we are processing our difficult emotions without getting overwhelmed or sucked into them too deep?
Turning towards and facing our difficult emotions can feel counterintuitive since turning towards discomfort goes against our basic human survival instincts to avoid pain. But, as we all know, life is not always easy and can throw at us difficult experiences that can bring upon painful feelings and if we don’t learn to ride those waves, it will negatively effect us in one way or another. One important thing to remember is that the difficult emotion and the physical energy that accompanies it will not last at that intensity forever. In fact, emotions will last at their highest activation for around 90 seconds. So when you think you’re going to get stuck in the emotion, remind yourself to breathe and that it will not feel like this forever.
In order to move forward in life with a sense of integration, we must learn tools to help us process even the most difficult of emotions.
Here are steps to help increase your sense of curiosity and process your emotions on a mind body for integration:
Notice what you are feeling (emotion). Naming it helps tame it. If you can't name the feeling, that's ok! Remember, it's ok to not know. The important aspect to this is to be curious about what you may be feeling.
Scan your body with your breath and notice where, if anywhere, you feel sensation in your body. Also notice any areas where you feel a contraction in your body. Breathe here for a few moments.
Notice the sensation that you are most aware of in this moment.
If this emotion/sensation were a shape, what might it be?
If this emotion/sensation was a color, what might it be?
If this emotion/sensation made a sound, what might it be?
If this emotion/sensation has a temperature, what might it be?
If this emotion/sensation had a texture, what might it be?
Notice if there are any urges to move in a certain way and if possible, honor this urge by either moving in that way physically in real time or imagining yourself moving in that way if it is currently not accessible to you.
Check in. Scan your body with your breath. Notice what, if anything, feels different.
If you’d like, draw or write/journal whatever came to you in this practice. Not only do we process differently when we write or draw, but being able to see your emotion outside of you is another way to externalize it, which can help decrease the intensity.
If you want to be guided through this practice in a meditation form, click here for the free recording. To learn how to quickly calm yourself, subscribe to my email list here.
